We live in a culture where “independence” is a desired quality of life. This Fourth of July our nation will celebrate Independence Day. A day off from our normal routines to reflect on all the benefits one receives from being “free” from the rules and obligations of a foreign power. This quest for freedom is, without question, a great virtue in the creation of a national government but what about the quest for “freedom” in your personal relationship?
Scientific research shows our brains are hard-wired for connection. Human beings thrive when they can turn to and depend on their partner to share their intimate feelings and support their needs. The greatest challenge for married couples is balancing the perceived quality trait of “independence” with the human need to be “interdependent” in the relationship.
The principles found in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People can help one to learn to understand and to enjoy the benefits of interdependence. Wikipedia describes the habits as follows:
Independence or Self-Mastery – The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence (i.e., self-mastery):
- Habit 1: Be Proactive
Take initiative in life by realizing that your decisions (and how they align with life’s principles) are the primary determining factor for effectiveness in your life. Take responsibility for your choices and the subsequent consequences that follow. - Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind
Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. - Habit 3: Put First Things First
Plan, prioritize, and execute your week’s tasks based on importance rather than urgency. Evaluate whether your efforts exemplify your desired character values, propel you toward goals, and enrich the roles and relationships.
Interdependence – The next three have to do with Interdependence (i.e., working with others):
- Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Genuinely strive for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value and respect people by understanding a “win” for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution. - Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Use empathic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, respect, and positive problem solving. - Habit 6: Synergize
Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals no one person could have done alone.
Self Renewal – The Last habit relates to self-rejuvenation:
- Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle. And learn from the mistakes.
So after the hot dogs, the watermelon and the excitement of the fireworks display, take your significant other and celebrate your own private “interdependence day”. I think you will find it to be an event that is worth celebrating every day.
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