Two years ago in May we got the life-altering phone call from a relative that his daughter, who just months earlier graduated from college, had died from an accidental overdose. Trying to make sense of this tragic loss, we wondered how someone who had so much going for her could have gotten herself in this predicament. Not unlike other young adults, she used alcohol and drugs socially to help her relax, de-stress and sometimes to escape the hurts and rejection of significant relationships. I wonder if things may have turned out differently if she had greater Emotional Intelligence skills?
What is Emotional Intelligence?
It is the ability to be aware of and to effectively manage one’s own feelings while responding effectively to others. It is the cornerstone to quality decision making and having healthy relationships. The characteristics of an emotionally intelligent individual are self awareness, self control, self motivation, empathy, and social compatibility.
Why is it important to be emotionally intelligent?
The ability to perceive, to understand and to express one’s feelings is essential to effective and healthy management of emotions. Once recognized, skills can be taught to master feelings of self worth, as well as more responsible responses to the feelings of others. These skills can help children to resist peer pressures, avoid bullying mentalities, and to provide more effective methods on how to manage their time and work cooperatively with others.
How to become an emotionally intelligent parent:
- Identify and label your own feelings. Feelings are neither good nor bad. They just are. We all have them.
- Promote discussion of feelings, especially those which seem inappropriate such as jealousy, inadequacy, anger, doubt or fear. Talking about them actually helps to neutralize the negative impact.
- Help your children identify and label their own feelings. A good place to start is with simple expressions of, “It seems that you’re (feeling) … sad, angry, offended, hurt, confused, etc.
- Help your child identify and label the feelings of others.
- Be the role model you want your child to emulate.
As we talk about and normalize feelings, putting judgment aside; children will be able to make sense of them and manage them in a healthier way.
Carolyn Gerard is a 20+ year Fairbanks Ranch resident, mother of five children (including twins) and wife of 30+ years. She is a Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in Couples & Relationship therapy. She will be co-facilitating a Couples Weekend Retreat June 15 & 16. For more information contact (858) 756-8171, cg (at) GerardCounseling (dot) com or www.Relationships4Life.com.
Share this Blog
