More than ninety percent of married individuals in the United States believed that monogamy is important but almost half of them admit to having had affairs. I work with couples who try to recover from infidelity, which is one of the most devastating traumatic and life altering issues for couples.
Recovering from an affair impacts a couple at so many levels. The marriage does not have to and in divorce, though. It takes at the very least two years of work helping the couple rebuild trust and making sense of how the relationship became vulnerable in the first place to get them back on track.
It also requires that the couple commit to complete and total honesty, which are the first steps toward recovery. Rebuilding the trust is the cornerstone of the recovery process. The injured person will need answers and clarification to the myriad questions that will come up throughout the next several months. Speaking the truth about the facts of the affair will help the injured partner to hear the facts. It may include how the affair began, how many times they were together, where they met, etc…
Many details about the affair, however, cause more harm to the injured partner and should not be answered such if the person was a better lover. That type of question would best be answered with the mantra, “I’m so sorry for the pain that has caused you.”
Unfortunately, affairs happen to good people in good marriages. Most affairs start-up as just friends and increase to infidelity do to an emotional connection that forms. The person feels accepted, wanted and understood by their lover.
Often the one who strays has had difficulty expressing their wants, needs and longing to their partner. Instead of making the effort, they withdraw, or shut down to keep from fighting because it seemed easier than speaking up for themselves.
Couples who are committed to working through the process rebuilding their relationship can fully recover if they want to and many can have an even stronger bond than before the affair occurred.
Share this Blog
