Are you one of those individuals who has a big heart, is able to forgive others, and drops everything to help others – sometimes at the expense of taking care of your own needs?
Based on a study conducted at the University of Texas at Austin, self-compassion is strongly related to happiness, optimism, reflective wisdom, and personal initiative. If you find yourself continually berating yourself for not meeting your own harsh standards, you may be crippling yourself from actually being able to be happy.
Whether it’s showing up late to a meeting, eating a few extra treats during the day, or losing patience with the kids, we’re overly critical and judgmental of ourselves when we believe we have disappointed a loved one or have failed. We jump to extreme conclusions – “I’m such an Idiot! I am never going to get this right!” – and blow often trivial mistakes out of proportion. Rather than being kind to ourselves so that we can do better next time, this dramatization only increases our anxiety and attachments to the problem.
Self-compassion is extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. It encompasses three areas:
* Being kind to the self amidst failure and perceived inadequacy
* Realizing that failure is part of the human experience, and
* Being mindfully aware of our emotions.
Consider treating yourself as you already treat others:
Be Nice to Yourself When You Fall.
Different from having a positive self-esteem, practicing self-compassion means that you are kind towards your own perceived failures and inadequacies. In the same way that we are not usually inclined to yell at a child for making a mistake out of compassion, we can learn to show ourselves a similar grace. It’s okay to treat yourself the way that you want to be treated, whether or not you think you deserve it.
You Are Not Alone in Falling.
Everybody makes mistakes. It is part of what makes us human. Rather than isolating and comparing ourselves to others who seem to have it all together, it is important to recognize that you are not alone.
Practice Awareness and Curiosity with your behavior.
When we are harsh with ourselves, it is difficult to want to face our own failures. Adapt an attitude of becoming curious to understand how and why a situation happened, how and why it affected you, and ways in which you can make it a growth experience. If we are forgiving and kind in the midst of perceived failure, we are able to self-heal and grow from the negative experience.
Learn to face your feelings and anxieties rather than run away from them.
If there are areas in your life that you find yourself being your own biggest bully, stop and reflect what the critical voice is about. Everyone makes mistakes and “blows it” from time to time. You are the role model to your children. When children experience you being kind to yourself in a self-reflective way, they too will learn to be kind and more compassionate with themselves as well as others.
To test how self-compassionate you are visit: http://www.self-compassion.org/test-your-self-compassion-level.html
(Research from the Journal of Research in Personality, Issue 41. “An examination of self-compassion in relation to positive psychological functioning and personality trait” by Neff, K. et al. at the University of Texas at Austin.)
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