When you think about your childhood holiday memories, what comes up for you? Did you wake up to the smell of turkey roasting in the oven Thanksgiving morning? Did your family travel during the holidays? What traditions did your family do that fill you with joy?
With the holidays right around the corner it’s an excellent time for you to prepare for and decide what memories you want to create this holiday season. Family rituals help to define your cultural traditions and the values you espouse and to create a strong sense of belonging for one another. They also become the memories that children talk about long after they leave home.
What were your fondest memories in preparing the Thanksgiving meal? Did each member have a specific responsibility? Were toddlers given age appropriate tasks? Or were children asked to play and stay out of the way?
Children thrive when they feel included in holiday preparations. It gives them a sense of feeling needed, valued and that they belong. They get the message that as a member of your family, they matter.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, do your holiday memories elicit distress or sadness? Do you have family members who aren’t speaking with each other? Is there a thoughtless/clueless relative who others prefer not to have around? What do you do with the relative who drinks too much? How should one handle these diversions when the holidays are supposed to be festive?
Plan now what you want your family holiday legacy to be. How do you want your children to remember the holidays? Do you have to include everyone? What keeps you from doing things differently? How will you handle the negative comments from others?
You have choices. Talk with your spouse about your hopes and dreams for the holiday season. Discuss how the two of you will handle the potentially uneasy moments. Explore the deeper uncomfortable feelings that overwhelm you and discuss them with your partner.
As the listening spouse, allow your loved one to express disappointment and fears. When one is able to talk about and deal with those negative emotions, it allows them to make sense of the angst and creates room for a more loving and connecting legacy.
Some of you may desire additional support during the stressful holiday season. If that’s the case, please reach out. Ask for help from someone you trust. You deserve to have nurturing family memories that will be passed down from one generation to the next.
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(Photo credit cnn.com)
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